Relationships: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Cause You To Go Back To A Relationship?

Relationships: Does The Fear Of Abandonment Cause You To Go Back To A Relationship?

If one wants to buy a new car, it could be because their old car is no longer drivable or it could be because it no longer fits their requirements. And once a decision has been made, they are unlikely to use their old car again.

One could go back on their decision and keep their old car, but this would only create problems. If the car is no longer usable and one tries to drive it, they could be putting their life at risk.

Just as if one was to drive a car that is no longer appropriate it could also cause them problems. In this case, their life might not be at risk, but the car might be too small for their family or it might be too expensive for them to run.

The Ideal

However, no matter what one's reason is for wanting to get a different car, it will be important for them to follow through and let go of their old car. And although one might feel emotionally attached to their car, this attachment is unlikely to hold them back.

Their head is likely to rule their heart in this instance and this will allow them to do what is right. If, on the other hand, their heart ruled their head, it would be a lot harder for them to let go.

Another Human Being

When it relates to another human being, it can be a lot harder for one to do the right thing. After taking the first step and leaving a relationship, they might soon find that they are back where they were before.

How they felt in the relationship was enough to make them leave, but it hasn't been enough to keep them away. When this happens, it could be said that one's heart is ruling their head.

The Reason

One may have walked away from the relationship because it was abusive, but it might have been for a different reason. Perhaps one is no longer the person they were before and this has caused them to feel disconnected from the other person.

It if was due to abuse, there would have been a clear reason why they had to leave and one may have had the support of their friends and family. But when it comes to someone who didn't abuse them, their relationship may have looked fine and this could mean that other people questioned their reasons for leaving.

Going Back

However, regardless of how other people saw things and whether they were supportive or not, one would have listened to themselves. However, even though one did listen to themselves for a short time, as time passed, this was longer the case.

Their time away from the other person may have lasted for a matter days, weeks or even months, but the outcome was the same. Therefore, it won't matter how long one managed to listen to themselves, as they have ended up going back to the person they wanted to leave.

Relief

When one is back with the other person, it might give them a sense of relief (at least for a short time). Yet, as one didn't want to go back to the other person, this might be hard for them to comprehend.

On one onside, they want to get away from them, but on the other, they feel a sense of comfort. What is taking place externally may have played a part in why they have returned, but it won't be the only reason.

Self-talk

When one is back with the other person, they might start to put themselves down. This will mean that not only are they with someone they don't want to be with, they are also their own worst enemy.

What is taking place in their head could end up being supported by the people around them. They might wonder why one has gone back to the same person and if they have left them before, it might not be the first time they have heard this.

Abandoned

When one leaves the relationship, they may end up feeling as though they have been abandoned. And due to how overwhelming this feeling is, it won't matter why they left the relationship in the first place.

Once they are back with the other person, they will no longer feel the same and as time passes, they might start to wonder why they are with them. When one gets to the point where they no longer feel abandoned, they might end up leaving the other person again.

Round in Circles

This could be a scenario that plays out for quite some time; unless one decides to do something else. In order for them to change their behaviour, they will need to change how they feel.

If one believes that their feelings are being caused by their thoughts, they will end up focusing on what is taking place in their mind. Yet, if one feels abandoned when they leave a relationship, it is likely to relate to what is taking place in their body and not their mind.

The Body

What is taking place in their mind may trigger how they feel, but it won't cause how they feel. These feelings are likely to relate to what took place during their childhood.

To be left at this age would have felt like the end of the world and this is because one didn't have the ability to regulate how they feel. Not only that, this may have taken place before one had developed the ability to think.

The Past Remains

As the emotional experiences of the past have remained within their body, it won't matter whether one remembers what took place or not. And unless this emotional baggage is released, one will continue to behave in the same way.

Awareness

When it comes to changing what is taking place in the mind, it is all about force and action, but the same approach won't work when it comes to the emotional body. One won't need to use force or anything else to change how they feel; they will simply need to surrender.

This means that one will need to face what is within them and to allow themselves to grieve their unmet childhood needs. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group may be needed here.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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